Brisbane woman Lisa Magill, writes a blog about her
terminal. She might be 34 years old, but she desperately wishes she was the
90-year-old woman in the waiting room. ”To live to be 90 means you have a
lifetime of memories”, she Said.
Memories Ms Magill, who writes the blog Terminally
Fabulous, envies. The Brisbane woman who is facing a terminal cancer diagnosis
has written an honest post about dying, as she goes through further radiation
treatment. 'I don't know if you can truly know what your feelings about death
are until you're faced with it,'
she wrote.
“Before this b*****d of a disease, I had no doubt
that there was a heaven, but now that I'm faced with my own death, that part of
the dying process isn't so certain”.
'Sit in a room with your doctor, hear the words, you
have cancer and you only have weeks, maybe months to live and let's see how at
peace you are with it then?' Ms Magill has been battling cancer since just
after her 30th birthday. She was initially diagnosed with a rare cancerous
gastric tumour in April 2012, and her treatment was completed in November that
year.
But on September 5, 2013 she was told the
devastating news that her cancer had returned. The three years that followed
saw her undergo a concoction of treatments that prolonged her life, including
tumour-shrinking radiation that she still has today. Currently she has
'something like' 30 tumours in her abdomen and pelvis.
She started the blog Terminally Fabulous to share
her story, 'warts and all'. And in her two previous posts she spoke about dying,
and said as 'horrible' as it sounds, she wishes she wasn't dying alone.
“I actually wish someone was dying with me, I know
how horrible that sounds, but for f*** sake women can't manage to go to the
toilet by themselves on a night out, so why would it be so wrong of me to not
want to go out (die) alone?,” she wrote.
“I know everyone who has strong faith says that the
other side is better than this side, but what if it's nothing? . 'I yearn for
that peace of mind I used to have, I'm not saying I've lost faith, I'm simply
saying my religious GPS hasn't had its recent update and hopefully once it has
I will be back on track and be comforted by the thought that one day, I will be
reunited with my loved ones.”
She spoke about feeling envious of older women who
had had the opportunity to live a long life and create memories.
“As I sit in my GP's waiting room with my pain
driver pumping my life's juice into me, with the word "palliative"
blazoned on the front of it and the 90 something year old woman sits opposite
me complaining about her cataract, I can't help but think, be grateful you made
it,” she wrote.
“You were one of the lucky ones and I know it's
wrong, but this s***uation takes your mind to dark places. 'It's simple, I'm in love with life and to die, is
to take away my greatest love.'
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